Bitchy Quotes and Funny Quotes for your Facebook Status

Saw these bitchy quotes and funny quotes online. Randomly I picked what I think are nice. You can use these quotes on your facebook status.

"We are all going to hell, and I am driving the bus"

I wanna be different just like everyone else

"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt

"You shouldn't compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think."

"The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones never go away."

"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."-

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

I'm not anti-social, I just don't like you"

"I can either be your best friend or your worst enemy".

We crush the caterpillars then complain there are no butterflies

I'm not a tease, Im just a reminder of what you can't have

"If it doesn't fit force it, if it breaks it needed replaced anyway"

"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead."

"I don't want to achieve immortality thru my work. I want to achieve immortality thru not dying"

Don't give other people a piece of your mind unless you can afford it.

Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it.

Ugliness is superior to beauty because it lasts.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change

Good friends will help you move. REALLY good friends will help you move bodies."

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

"Lies circle the earth while Truth is still trying to put on its shoes."

I believe that imagination is more important than knowledge.

You can't argue with a sick mind

You're only young once, but you can be immature the rest of your life

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car

Every piece of paper has two good sides... Unless you use magic marker then you're fucked

When faced with a difficult task, pass it on to a lazy person and she'll figure out an easier way to accomplish it.

"Dont underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers"

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be in the next cell saying "that was fucking awesome

What do sheep count when they can't sleep?

"Butchs are like roses, watch out for the pricks...

Stoners live and stoners die, and at the end they all get high, then soon the don't succeed, FUCK IT ALL LETS SMOKE SOME WEED!

*Fighting for peace is like f***in for virginity*

It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me.

Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again


A wise monkey never monkies w/ another monkey's monkey!

***Everyones entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the privilege***

Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!

Did you fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down!


*They say true love hides behind every Corner...I must be walking in Circles! *

Im an angel! Honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo up straight!

4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep

FOR ALL OF YOU WHO TALK ABOUT ME THANKS FOR MAKING ME THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD!

I can only please one person per day, today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I am not a player...I'm the game

I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!

I Know I'm Not Perfect, but I'm So Close it scares me~! ~

I smile because I have no idea what is going on

I dont need Your Attitude, I Have One of My Own

****I'm not weird! I'm gifted****

You're only bad if you're caught... So that makes me a good girl, RIGHT!

~What a shame...looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks!

CLICK YOUR HEELS AND SAY "I NEED A LIFE, I NEED A LIFE"

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Hooked on funks worked far me, Kant cha tell?

DON'T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE

Success comes before work... only in the dictionary

~*Never fight with an ugly person~*~they have nothing to loose! *~

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight; you can have it when I'm done!

~* Big Girls dont cry they get even*~

NO OFFICER THERE'S ANY BLOOD IN MY ALCOHOL SYSTEM!


In some cultures what I do is considered normal

Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.

Roses are red violets are blue
sugar is sweet and so are you,
but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead
the sugar bowls empty and so is your head

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk

Mirrors don't talk and lucky for you they don't laugh!

I don't come with dice-so don't play me.

This is an inside joke and your on the outside!

-That's all right, that's okay, you're going to pump my gas someday! -

Don't think of it as losing, think of it as getting beat by a girl

Don't Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen

EVIL is just LIVE spelled backwards

Life isn't a garden...so stop being a hoe!

HOW MANY BOWLS OF COURAGE DID U EAT THIS MORNING?

Roses are red violets are blue I'm skitzafranic and so am I!

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!

Fact: If you ever hurt me...you get it back 10 times worse.

I never knew my father was an alcoholic until he came home sober one night..."

"Winston, you are drunk." - Lady Astor
"Yes my dear, but you are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober" - Winston Churchill

"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another. It's the same damn thing over and over."

How many frickin' times do I have to say, 'In the form of a question', people?!?" - Alex Trebek

I no longer wish to belong to the kind of club that accepts people like me as members" - Groucho Marx

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk." - Stephen King

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears

Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can't remember

How can there be self-help GROUPS?

What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date

Hey! Quit hogging all the ugly!

Don't go away mad, just go away!

We're having creative differences. I'm creative, you're different

Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.

I'd like to see things your way, but I'm not sure if I can stick my head that far up my ass.

What is your worst sin? My vanity. I spend hours before the mirror admiring my beauty. That isn't vanity, dear, that's imagination.

If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?

It's a beautiful world but everyone's insane."

~Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?

It's not that I don't like you! It's just that when I'm not behind the mic I'm a person just like you!

A butch talks dirty to a women and its sexual harassement. A women talks dirty to a butch and its $3.95 a min.

"Drug laws create criminals"

Your friends are worth more than you think--$7.99 at least

"Always forgive your enemies-nothing annoys them so much."

"If you need space, join NASA, baby"

Its not an attitude ,its the way I am